As Hearts Tremble
by Maiyako
Summary: Heero gets a distrubing mission...It's a fast fic, and it's a Deathfic. Bare with.


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Title: As hearts Tremble  
Part: 1/1  
Author: Maiyako   
Disclaimer: Don't own em so don't sue or I'll set the Muses out on ya  
Tetikora: growl  
Sanura: growl…cough cough…err…meow…  
Pairings: 1x2  
Warnings: Shonen ai, Angst. DEATH FIC  
Archive: if anyone would actually want to sure, just tell me first   
kay?  
C&C: yes please  
  
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0500 HOURS  
I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. Nothing I do is an act of   
personal   
spite; only an act of submission to a higher   
authority than my own and a   
follow through of their wishes. They wish to keep   
everything stable,   
therefore all unstable factors from the formula must   
be removed. That is   
Their wish. I must submissively follow through and fall into the role   
of the   
pawn they know I know I am. I must destroy the   
unstable factor; the one   
thing that may make me one of god's humans1. I live   
only to obey, and to   
complete. How ever this 'unstable factor' seems now   
to only live to love me.   
That is where the dilemma occurs, because I think that maybe. I might   
love him   
too. Or share some sort of rapport with him other   
than the obvious   
connection of both of us being a pilot. Though I   
don't think myself unable   
to follow through with this mission I do, however,   
for the first time find   
myself worried by the repercussions of this mission,   
not so much on the   
world, but on myself.  
  
0645 HOURS  
I have spent the last hour pacing the perimeter of my   
quarter. Arguing with   
myself. Part of me is disgusted that I even have the   
audacity to 'consider'   
anything other than a direct follow through of   
orders. It is not my job to   
think on whether or not it should be done but to   
think on how to do it, It   
scolds me. However a smaller part of me I never   
noticed before has gained a   
certain 'backbone' and reared it's head to speak to   
me of love, trust, and   
the horrors of betrayal. It seems no longer a   
question that will end in   
either the death of an individual or the   
repercussions of disobeying an order   
but now it seems the a question whose answer will   
decide whether I am Heero   
Yuy the perfect soldier or Heero Yuy the human. I   
see now that both can not   
co-exist in any sort of balance. I have to be one or   
the other and I have 1   
hour and 15 minutes to decide.  
  
  
Heero tapped on the door almost taken aback how   
even the sound of the   
knocks against the door could not overpower the   
beating of his heart in his   
chest. After a second attempt at knocking the   
cheerful faced Duo popped his   
head between the door and squealed, "He-chan! Hey   
come in, come in!" Duo   
stepped aside and opened the door making a beckoning   
motions with his hands as   
he asked, "Whatcha up here so early in the morning   
for?...not that I'm not   
glad to see you." He added with a smile. Heero   
stepped in without a word and   
then turned to Duo anticipating that he would shut   
the door.  
Duo did shut the door then gave Heero a gentle   
hug. "I haven't heard from   
you in awhile I was beginning to worry." Heero stood   
stiffly in the warmth of   
the hug knowing any action in the wrong direction   
might compromise his   
previously made decision. He instead looked beyond   
Duo at a clock on the   
wall. It read 7:15. //45 minutes left.// he reminded   
himself, though it was   
completely unnecessary he wouldn't be there that long.  
Duo looked up at Heero when he noticed that his   
affection was not even   
slightly returned and spoke, "Heero is something   
wrong?" The only reply he   
received was an impassionate "hmn." But that didn't   
bother him much as he had   
become accustom to some of Heero's moods and just   
smiled and offered his   
love, "well you know if you want to talk about it I'm here as always."  
"There actually is something I want to discuss with   
you." Heero finally   
spoke. Duo raised an eyebrow at him and he continued,   
"Duo who do you 'think'   
I am?"  
Duo was taken aback by the question, "what do you   
mean by that?"  
"Exactly that, 'who do you 'think' I am?" Heero   
repeated trying to conceal   
any of his own surprise at that question. He had not   
come with the intention   
of making conversation but for some reason right now   
the question just seemed   
right. Seemed that it's answer might put some easy   
into his heart. He would   
not though justify that his heart needed to be easy   
nor would he deny the   
possibility.  
"You are" Duo began, his violet eyes exploding with passion, " Heero   
Yuy,   
the man I love, the heart of space, the perfect soldier and more   
importantly..." he ran his fingers gently down the   
side of Heero's face,   
"whoever you 'want' to be."  
Heero was silent again but in his mind the thoughts   
streamed at him   
continuously, each though composed of a part of Duo's   
answer. // The man he   
loves. The perfect soldier whoever I want to be who do I want to  
be who   
can I be?// Unfortunately these answers like many in   
the world only led to   
more questions and for Heero that only led to more   
frustration. Duo laid his   
head against Heero's chest, then his head shot up and   
he instead placed is   
hand over Heero's heart. "Heero?"  
Heero looked down at Duo, "yes?"  
"Heero, why are you scared?" Duo asked and got the   
expected response, or lack   
there of when Heero said nothing, "silly Heero" he continued taking   
Heero's   
hand and placing it against Heero's Heart, "can't you   
feel that?"  
"It's my heart beat." Heero retorted dismissively,   
trying to pull his hand   
away but Duo held on and pushed it harder against   
Heero's chest.  
"No." Duo said shaking his head, "It's not. Your   
heart is trembling Heero you   
are scared or don't you know that no matter how well you can hide your   
true   
feelings from others or even from yourself you can't hide them from   
your   
heart."  
Heero leaned forward and forcefully kissed Duo.   
Pressing his dry lips hard   
against Duo's soft and tender mouth. His right hand   
reached by his side and   
unsheathed a knife. Placing it against Duo's neck he   
sliced from ear to ear.   
Never, for one second, in all of his pain did Duo   
pull away from Heero's   
kiss. He stayed attached to his lover longer than   
seemed possible as if the   
love he had kept him alive just long enough to seal   
their souls in an eternal   
bound. All this in one kiss. Then the kiss ended Duo   
smiled as he fell back,   
lifeless on to the floor and as the blood from his   
injury seeped out onto the   
dingy carpet it took with it the passion from the   
boys eyes.  
Heero watched this and thought of how before it had   
always seem as if this   
passion was one for all of life, but now Heero knew   
the passion that had been   
in Duo's eyes belonged only to him. He finally tore   
his eyes away from what   
had once been Duo and drew them upon his hands. They   
were so warm as if they   
were wrapped in some warm mitten while the rest of   
him stood naked in the   
cold. He saw now the cause of this warmth. His hands   
were covered in blood.   
They clock now read 7:35.  
  
  
0735 HOURS  
I do hate I hate myself I hate the world that created me I hate the   
ones   
above me who do the things that make me hate me I hate now that I am   
alone   
because even though I was alone before now I have   
known companionship and   
lost it. I hate that knife, but I could not use a   
gun. A gun is a stranger's   
weapon it means distance. A knife is a passionate   
weapon it means closeness   
and warmth the warmth of the blood as it cascades over your hands. I   
hate   
that knife but I could of never done it like a stranger he need to see   
my   
face he needed to see who had done this to him, he need to touch who   
had done   
this to him he needed why why am I still confused. I have never know a   
feeling of being incomplete in my entire life my mission is not over.  
  
  
Doctor J looked up and raised an eyebrow, "Heero?   
You're early it's only   
7:45â?¦. I take it everything went well then?"  
Heero looked at the man reached behind him with   
the same right hand and   
pulled out a gun. Doctor J did not flinch or show the   
slightest sign of fear.   
He sat there looking at Heero expectantly as if   
awaiting his next action.   
Heero glared at him and spoke, "My mission was to   
destroy all unstable   
factors, namely one Duo Maxwell." He raised the gun   
to his temple and   
repeated, "my mission was to destroy all unstable   
factors."  
He pulled the trigger.  
  
  
0747 HOURS  
Mission complete.  
  
  
  
  
1. I used this term because I feel that in this   
particular situation it gives   
the appearance that Heero doesn't have any free will,   
the gift from god that   
many religious figures state make us 'human' hence   
the reference to 'one of   
God's humans.'  
  
Okay, not the most cheerful thing I have done but I   
had to get it out of   
me. all C&C is appreciated and in fact looked forward to. So to me you   
loved   
it, tell me you hated it; tell me it was okay. ¦I don't care...just   
give me   
something to work with.  
  
Mai-chan  
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'Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you   
have isn't permanent'   
----Jean Kerr 


End file.
